Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Quick Hit: "Hey Honey, you look fat. Merry Christmas."

BBC News has an idea about the perfect Christmas gift for that someone who has already eaten everything: tell them how fat they are.

The article lists all the oft repeated health risks of being overweight. It also cites a survey that found "42% of 18 to 24-year-olds would not tell a loved one they should lose weight because of a fear they would hurt the other person's feelings." Well, that makes Christmas just the perfect time to cast insults at those closest to you. After all, as Donkey from <i>Shrek</i> says, "It ain't Christmas until somebody cries."

But besides the obvious, let me tell you why this is the most crap-tastic Christmas idea ever. And no, it's not because it is cheap. Speaking as circumferally-enhanced individual, I already know I'm fat. And your loved ones? They know they are fat, too. Christmas is the time to say "I love you" (thank you Billy Squire), not the time to point out others' imperfections.

On the other hand, one could take this all the way and use the holiday as a time of absolute candor. After you are done telling Aunt Dottie how fat she is, may as well tell Uncle Billy that his toupee it completely obvious, tell Cousin Jeff that his problem with women is his personality, that, no Lil' Sis, your singing career is not taking off, and Grandpa, no one thinks that your jokes are funny anymore. Actually, that last one might be alright.

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